The song “not a lot, just forever” by Adrianne Lenker on her album songs is one of the most beautiful songs ever created and I’m here to tell you why. Musically, the soft guitar and sad, longing vocals make a tune that’s impossible to turn off. Poetically, Lenker poured metaphors and stories into this song and filled it with emotion. This album in particular was an especially powerful drop in 2020. Adrianne Lenker created this album after a big breakup and the cancelling of her band’s tour because of COVID-19.
Adrianne Lenker is the lead singer of her band Big Thief. The band consists of Adrianne of course, Buck Meek (guitar, backing vocals) and James Krivchenia (drums). It used to include Max Oleartchik but he is no longer a part of the group. Adrianne was a solo artist before Big Thief. She released her first album in 2014 with Big Thief following closely behind with their first album released in 2015.
To understand this specific song, you have to understand the meaning behind Lenker’s whole album. As you move through the tracks, Lenker becomes more and more self-aware. She captures the moment when you know you are suffocating your partner, but you cannot bring yourself to stop. You need that person to know how you feel, no matter the consequences. Lenker questions the gaping hole left after they inevitably leave. She considers if the feeling of emptiness is even worthwhile. Other moments are tenderly detailed, each tinged with the fleeting nature she knows to be her reality. To hold her hand, to kiss her again, to be home with her, are all things she longs for, though knowing them to be impossible and not fully wanting them herself. “not a lot, just forever” breaks away from this longing. She steps back and realizes the bad parts of the relationship that she had hidden from herself. This song delves into the paradox of committing to forever with someone in a world where not a lot seems to last (forever).
Overall, this song weaves through every aspect of love in and after heartbreak. The starting lines of the song begin with:
Through your eyes I see
A smile you bring to me
This sets the starting scene through the lovers eyes and establishes a deep connection. During the second verse, Lenker mentions “From my ex-believer” which introduces a theme of past beliefs, hinting at complexities and challenges that come with relationships. To continue, the image of the wolf and the symbol of the knitting together of selves (“Still she tears at my sweater”) represent the internal struggles and external forces that can test but ultimately strengthen a bond.
Side note, this metaphorical wolf is also present in “Wolf” on Big Thief’s album Two Hands. In this song it is also a symbol of protection like it is in “not a lot, just forever” when it states:
My dog barks wildly
To protect my infancy
The idea of creation and legacy—a tangible expression of their love—takes prominence in the third verse, “And your dearest fantasy, Is to grow a baby in me.” The conflicting feelings of wanting to nurture life with someone yet holding “you to my knife” reveals the risks and anxieties that come with commitment and vulnerability.
Finally, in the last verse, a sense of darkness is brought up on the listener. Through Lenker’s words of “poision” staining her mouth, she introduces the idea that toxicity can sometimes live in relationships. Overall, the repetition of “not a lot, just forever” and “as the rock bears the weather” in almost every chorus, Lenker isn’t only singing a song but informing her audience about the depth and complexity of the relationship she was in.
The definition of poetry differs from person to person but in general, poetry is a multidimensional experience that shows without telling and broadens the borders of our minds to include new perspectives. I think “not a lot, just forever” and mostly all of Adrianne Lenker’s songs alike encapsulate the definition of true poetry.
